My Dad's tribute thread

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 27 Nov 2005, 17:31

19 years ago today, November 27th 1986, my dad; John Omand McIntyre died at the western general hospital. He was 54, the youngest of 4 brothers and two sisters, all of whom outlived him and are now dead. At the time I was 27.

I can barely believe how time has passed so quickly, I still miss him, I still from time to time expect to see him and there are many occasions when I wish he was just there to talk too. Every anniversary of his death seems to make me feel more sad, I think it maybe because I am approaching the age he died and I feel sad that his life was taken from him when there were so many things that he would have enjoyed.

He would have loved his 5 grand children, he only got to see one of them, who was born 6 months before he died and by that time his own life was being sucked out of him by cancer, I could tell that he couldn't really celebrate a new life, he was petrified of dying.

Several people who post here knew him. He was know as Ian to friends and family, John, Rusty or Madog Magoo to his work colleagues, he had red hair and poor eyesight. Unfortunately he missed Bruce who also has red hair.

Born in Leith, he was no academic during his school years but for as long as I can remember he read 4 or 5 books a week and could hold his own in any debate. A few years ago I met his best man who lives in New Zealand and I asked him what my dad was like? (my dad never talked about his early life.) Jimmy told me that he was a popular kid, a leader and rather interestingly he acquired the nom-de-plume "stay kissed" when he got into his later teenage years. The inference being that once a lady had been kissed by him, they stayed kissed. I have no witnesses to back up that story.

My uncle took on dad on as an apprentice painter and decorator, he duly qualified and served for a few years. He then joined the merchant navy and served in the Korean war but again I know almost nothing about this . I know he learned to drive at that time but he never drove we never owned a car. When he came back from the War he was fortunate enough to have made it to the head of the waiting list for a job as a docker at Leith docks. His father worked there and had "put his name down" when he was a young boy. My dad put myself and my brother's name down on the days we were born. He basically gave up a career as a tradesman to become a labourer. However, a job as a stevedore was a coveted thing.

I can recall when he used to get up at 5:30 in the morning, head down to the docks, where he would stand with the rest of the men (hundreds) and hope that his name would get called out for work that day. Perhaps 500 men would be waiting and maybe only 300 would get work. The others would either go home or drink. This was obviously far from ideal but it did have a silver lining; No-one was guaranteed work and there was a possibility that one may get no work for a whole week or more. Most men formed little companies, 3 men in each company, this improved the chances of at least some of them getting work. They pooled the money and split it. When the docks were nationalised the government bought all of those little companies out. My dad got Â£1100, which he used as a deposit to buy a semi-detached house in mountcastle that cost Â£3750. We moved from the Christians and I moved schools from brunstane to duddingston.

He was an active trade unionist and he was the, or one of the, shop stewards for the T&GWU at Leith Docks he was a communist and used to sell the morning star on a Saturday morning. He attended the TUC each year and I can remember Mick Mcgaghey (sp) and Jack Jones visiting the house. He helped play a major part in negotiating better working conditions for his colleagues, indeed they were so good at it, they put themselves out of business.

He had two real passions; Golf and watching my brother and I playing Rugby. He followed us everywhere and so did my mum. Him and I did not see eye to eye for much of my teenage years, indeed it was quite confrontational. I think he was annoyed or jealous that I was "swanning" about at university whilst he was knocking his pan in. And I was nowhere near respectful enough about the work and support that had got me there.

For about a year before he was diagnosed with cancer, my mum kept finding empty packets of asprin and paracetemol. He obviously knew there was something seriously wrong but was too scared to go to the doctor. He eventually was diagnosed in May 0f 1986, the same month that his first grandchild was born, He only had 6 horrible months to live.

It was at that point I began to realise how much I he meant and how good, (not perfect) a man he was. Like many scottish families we were not exactly tactile or effusive when it came to displays of appreciation and respect. He had worked hard for his family and for what he believed in.

The last 6 months were difficult for him and I admit I could barely go and visit, although obviously I did. My mum refused to let him go into hospital until it was totally necessary. She nursed him at home and I can't convey how much this meant to him and it now means to me.

He was taken into hospital on November 26th. On the 27th I picked my mum up at lunchtime, it was a beautiful winters day just like today. We were going to visit him. When we arrived a doctor met us and words did not need to be said, we knew he was dead. Out initial thoughts were relief and my mum said "thank god" although she is not religious.

We were taken to the ward he died in and he was in the "side" room. I was filled with trepidation and almost decided not to go and see him. I did and I am so glad that I did. I then drove into town to tell my brother face to face.

A few days late we had his funeral at Seafield. They closed Leith docks and Grangemouth docks so that men could attend, there was not enough room in the chapel and they say there was 400 or 500 people there. The next year the golf section at Portobello Rugby Club named a trophy and competition in his honour. On countless occasions since, myself, pal of porty, pal of porty's pal and pal of pal of porty's pal along with many others have had a drink and a laugh about the good times with him. It helps. And of course it keeps the memory alive, which is my purpose today.

bellybabe · Post by **bellybabe** » 27 Nov 2005, 17:53

He sounds like a very good man, Porty.
I'll raise a toast to him this evening.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 27 Nov 2005, 18:37

Thanks for taking the time to write this - it's a great and obviously heartfelt tribute. I wish he was still around - not only because 54 is too young for anyone to be taken away but because also I'd love to see you taking a telling off your dad!

Shame you don't know anything about the Korea stuff. There's a real pain in loss where there are things you'd love to be able to tell the person that's gone, and also the knowledge that some stories died with them.

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 27 Nov 2005, 22:09

A reminder that we should take the chance to talk to our older relatives while we have the chance. Unfortunately things don't always matter to you until you're a lot older and maybe it's too late.

Gemini · Post by **Gemini** » 27 Nov 2005, 23:39

Dearie me, a wee tear in my eye

, reading about your Dad , Porty.
Sounded like a really nice man.

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 28 Nov 2005, 10:58

Epykat wrote:A reminder that we should take the chance to talk to our older relatives while we have the chance. Unfortunately things don't always matter to you until you're a lot older and maybe it's too late.

Definitely. How I wish I'd had real conversations with my grandparents.

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 28 Nov 2005, 11:24

Epykat wrote:A reminder that we should take the chance to talk to our older relatives while we have the chance. Unfortunately things don't always matter to you until you're a lot older and maybe it's too late.

I do not see why someone needs to restrict this thought to older relatives -sadly people of any age can be plucked from this earth and it would be a shame to regret all the conversations we never had with close friends, partners, children etc.

P.S. Porty - I have brilliant memories of your Dad.

Scoop · Post by **Scoop** » 28 Nov 2005, 20:53

Porty, what a great tribute to your dad. I'm moved.

Jackson Priest · Post by **Jackson Priest** » 29 Nov 2005, 00:13

Porty: respect to you and your Dad, and thanks for posting about him.

JP

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 30 Nov 2005, 20:21

Pal of Porty wrote:I do not see why someone needs to restrict this thought to older relatives -sadly people of any age can be plucked from this earth and it would be a shame to regret all the conversations we never had with close friends, partners, children etc. :lol.

This is very true, but if we spent all day having deep and meaningfuls with everybody we knew we'd get no work done

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 01 Dec 2005, 00:10

Epykat wrote:This is very true, but if we spent all day having deep and meaningfuls with everybody we knew we'd get no work done

Work was invented to make us too busy to have deep and meaningfuls.

Hell's Cat · Post by **Hell's Cat** » 07 Dec 2005, 13:56

Beautiful tribute to your Dad. It's so sad to loose a parent so young. My mother died at age 54 when I was 27 as well and I still miss her. However in the end it was a relief for her. She had a strong character and had been fighting daily pain for 27 years with chronic rheumatoid arthirtis and various drugs and hospital treatments over the years which left her worse off every hospital visit. Her last visit to the hospital was for a potential hip replacement but after a catalogue of hospital blunders which left her too weak for the operation, they discharged her. In the end she had no fight left and a week later she died at home. It was all a bit of a shock to the family and her many friends.
I wish I had told her how much I loved her. So don't delay people, tell your loved ones TODAY how much you care about, none of us know what tomorrow brings.

DG · Post by DG » 08 Dec 2005, 19:46

A lovely tribute, Porty.

My dad has recently been diagnosed with myeloma and just started chemotherapy (on the day of our PoL Christmas bash and hence the reason for my cancellation). I don't know what it's like to loose a parent and am just learning how to deal with having a critically ill parent. It's not easy nor is it supposed to be I suppose. I too love my dad to bits and know what a wonderful man he is. Thank god for dads!

DG

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 08 Dec 2005, 22:12

Yes it was a lovely tribute Porty, and DG and I'm very sorry to hear of your Dads illness, I hope the treatment works for him.
I don't know what is worse, being prepared for a loved one dying or getting a phone call completely out of the blue like I did when my Dad died. He collapsed and died on his way home from a funeral of all things and I hadn't even known he was ill, although we found out afterwards that he hadn't been right for a couple of weeks but had hidden it from everyone. It was how he would have wanted to go, no fuss,no lingering and no suffering but a big shock at the time to the rest of the family. I still miss him.

DG · Post by DG » 08 Dec 2005, 22:50

Thanks, TG.

Sorry to hear your story. My dad has been unwell for a couple of years now but has not been telling us what's going on - always played it down until recently when he's experiencing this acute episode. It's the one thing most people can't bear to think about and dread happening. However, hope we've got some more time left with him if the treatment works.

DG

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 15 Dec 2005, 15:18

Thank you all for the nice comments and for reading the tribute. My heart goes out to you and your dad DG. I am thinking about you both and Mr DG too.