Charlie and the Economic Disadvantage, by Ronald Dahl (no relation to Roald)
Charlie Bucket stepped from the confectioner's store, clutching his Wonka chocolate bars.
Before he even had a chance to tear into the first one, he felt a tap on his shoulder.
It was a large gentleman wearing a green hat.
"You there, Boy!" boomed a Scottish brogue. "I see folly and I intend to correct it!"
"Yes, Sir" said Charlie.
"Your family suffer economic disadvantage, do they not?" thundered the Scot.
"I suppose so. But so does everyone in my street."
"That's beside the point, urchin. I'm here to tell you how to spend your money wisely, thus ensuring that you avoid poverty. Do you want to be poor, boy?"
"No, Sir" said Charlie. The gentleman pulled out his fat wallet and extracted a coin.
"Well then. Take this shining pound coin and give me your chocolate bars. You should instead purchase cabbages and sprouts for your family, thus staving off truly wretched destitution and social ill."
Before Charlie could reply, the gentleman had taken the chocolate from his grasp. In its place was thrust a pound coin. Charlie looked down at it, and when he lifted his head, he saw that the stranger was running halfway down the street, clutching a golden ticket and laughing.
Charlie sighed and walked in the opposite direction. His stride was slow at first, but became increasingly purposeful.
The following morning, the gentleman was brought his breakfast as usual by his red-haired manservant : toast, black coffee and the morning newspaper, all on a silver platter.
This morning's front page caused him to spray coffee and toast crumbs everywhere.
"Oompa Loompas stage factory takeover - Wonka's head mounted on pole outside factory gates."
The story continued.
"Our reporter spoke to Charlie Bucket, the newly-appointed chairperson of the newly-created 'Oompa Loompa Fair Trade Chocolate Co-Operative'.
'One of my first actions as chairperson - and you have to understand I speak for my slav- sorry - comrade workers - is to abolish the evil Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket competition. This was clearly a sham. Rather than this rigged piece of grubbby corporate capitalist showmanship, the arisen proletarian Oompa Loompas now have collective control of the means of chocolate production. I am their voice."
"As well as our previous owner, we have also done away with conventional mathematics in favour of socialist arithmetic. No longer shall poor and oppressed cocoa workers be paid a pittance to toil in the sun.
We shall pay them double for their beans. And no longer will shining OLFTCC chocolate bars be the preserve of the wealthy. We shall henceforth give away our product."
The gentleman frowned at the newspaper, brought out his golden ticket, stared at it for a while, smiled, and threw it in the bin.
Charlie and the Economic Disadvantage
Re: Charlie and the Economic Disadvantage
How much is double a pittance and will it really make a difference to the oppressed cocoa workers?Dadaist wrote:"As well as our previous owner, we have also done away with conventional mathematics in favour of socialist arithmetic. No longer shall poor and oppressed cocoa workers be paid a pittance to toil in the sun. We shall pay them double for their beans. And no longer will shining OLFTCC chocolate bars be the preserve of the wealthy. We shall henceforth give away our product."
Where will Charlie and his cohorts get money to pay to for the men and women who manufacture the chocolate?
Why would the men and women who work in the factory bother turning up for work when they can get free chocolate anyway?
What sort of economic success does Charlie expect to have by ceasing marketing, stopping revenue generation and doubling raw material costs?
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