Joppa Online

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 12:37

Porty, I don't see the Joppa wall saga as a problem - rather, I see it as an opportunity.

Together we can surely build a stunning proposal to put forward to all of these people.

Yes.

The JOPPA ONLINE website and protest kit franchise.

In the future, JOL-ies will look back on this thread, and this post, as a historic event. Joppa Online will be the first in a groundbreaking franchise market which I envisage licensing in 2006, going global in 2007.

All you need is a pc, and you can put both the "I" and the "commune" back into "community", and also add an E.

E-Community!!

The community website franchise is a bespoke yet turn-key solution including :

1. website with links to all your local protest groups!
2. forum - just plug in your own fussy moderating team, troublemaking users and hardworking coders!
3. internet radio and tv stations - just add your own unlicensed content!

In no time at all, you will have the local media hounding your every move!

I think we should model ourselves on (say) the pub licensing model - that is, apart from a small amount of consultation we're making lots of money with no risk whilst retaining all the rights. The complete franchise can fit on one cd-rom which we will rent to Joppa, having first purchased the rights to www.joppa-online.org.

Once this works, we sub-contract the licensing itself and go national.

How much shall we pitch it at?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 12:58

Great ideas.

We should not get too ambitious with the cost of the early franchises, as we need a track record. However, I think you are offering too many extras right of the bat.

For example, you are giving away the profanity filter, which we all know is vital to the ongoing success of a community website. Just think how much more we can screw out of the site owners when they discover than members of their own community cannot be trusted to conduct themselves in a non-profane manner, even using words like ****!!! (four letter word beginning and ending is T that rhymes with cat)

We will also have to choose the franchisees very carefully. If we base the franchise on POL the correct mix needs to be local councillor worshipper/strict school ma-am and belly dancer. I'm not sure that quality grows on trees.

One other problem I envisage: a key ingredient of a "succesful" franchise chain is masking how other franchises are performing? We could have the ususal caveats, get out clauses etc but what's to stop say the likes of Cockenzie googling to discover that Aberlady only has 12 posts and the franchisee is now homeless?

Furthermore, what if other coastal communities start copying our ideas; a coastal bed imax type pier. a bandstand on someone else's property, a high school unfit for human occupation and so on. Wouldn't we be shooting ourselves in the foot? The next thing you know the likes of tranent will be inventing their own famous music hall performers and channel swimmers. They may even start producing their own dark eyebrowed transport guru's. Dada, I have to tell you that on refelection I am nervous about creating a massive number of clones of the Portobello community.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 13:04

Take the money and run?

Or appoint ourselves the unelected board and have a front-man/woman type fall-guy/gal who can be routinely sacked in order to regenerate confidence every (insert cycle period) when a scandal erupts.

Or we could just sell the entire idea as vapour to the venture boys and move on.

There has to be a shekel here somewhere.

The profanity feature is definitely a bolt-on. And your forum will never be short of posts from the complimentary auto-dada rubbish generator. The rest will surely follow.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 13:26

Dadaist wrote:Take the money and run?

That's our strapline. If we are clever enough we won't need to run indeed we can keep taking the money from different members of the same community. Here's how:

When a franchise fails we switch it off for a few months, just put up "site under construction" on the webpage. This will allow time for memories to fade among the few previous users and at the same time hope and dreams to grow among potential franchise purchasers. We then look at what the business was doing previoulsy. So if the site was used by the eco community we advertise as "eco led franchise" available with the potential to develop into say, selfish planning issues, dog fouling, noise nuisance in public amenity spaces, subliminal business self-promotion, the potential is infinite but at the same time long-term profitability is unattainable. The perfect mix for cash generation.

We could recruit a local "worthy" with whom we hold meetings and sell them our corporate BS for passing onto the masses. I'm sure its been done before but hey it works.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 13:42

Agreed. It almost sounds like WW1 where a bunch of soldiers would take cover in an artillery crater, thinking (wrongly) that 2 shells would never land in the same place twice. Once the next shell vapourised that bunch of soldiers, there would be a short pause before another bunch of doomed conscripts went in.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 13:48

Dadaist wrote:Agreed. It almost sounds like WW1 where a bunch of soldiers would take cover in an artillery crater, thinking (wrongly) that 2 shells would never land in the same place twice. Once the next shell vapourised that bunch of soldiers, there would be a short pause before another bunch of doomed conscripts went in.

Still sounds like the soldiers had a longer life expectancy than our franchisees can look forward to.

Where should we target first? Joppa is a bit close to home and they are a bit anti-social, they think they are better than us. Plus, where would we park?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 13:54

Seafield?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 13:57

That's a long way to walk, surely we could park in Bellfield Street.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 14:01

hahahah

I forgot to mention the profits - now, do we purely want the license money from our sucke- sorry - licensees, or do we want our cut of the business directory and sponsorship monies?

If so, what is the split?

I think we need to buy a video projector.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 14:21

Dadaist wrote: I forgot to mention the profits - now, do we purely want the license money from our sucke- sorry - licensees, or do we want our cut of the business directory and sponsorship monies?

If so, what is the split?

Firstly, it is not good practice to refer to our screw from the licensees as profits. Let's call it development money.

Business directory is another bolt on. When the franchise is struggling, we suggest an ideas meeting, which we will attend for free. This is when we suggest the directory. If we suggest when selling th franchise we may only be able to charge 10% plus costs as a split. Once the franchisee is desperate we can get them to the legwork for free on the "see what we can do" split basis. Once the revenue is established and collected, they will settle for 10% minus costs with no renewal rights. Once all the local money is in we will sell main sponsorship of the site to Community of Scotland.

Dadaist wrote:I think we need to buy a video projector.

Fair enough, this is your idea.

Skeely · Post by **Skeely** » 30 Jan 2006, 14:45

Porty wrote:Business directory is another bolt on

I think the BD is central to profits (sorry, development money). We can't really expect the citizens of Joppa to pay for their new website. We should offer all businesses in Joppa a brightly coloured (and expensive) sticker for their window, which would also guarantee 'protection' from a mauling on the bulletin board.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 14:54

Skeely wrote:
Porty wrote:Business directory is another bolt on
I think the BD is central to profits (sorry, development money). We can't really expect the citizens of Joppa to pay for their new website. We should offer all businesses in Joppa a brightly coloured (and expensive) sticker for their window, which would also guarantee 'protection' from a mauling on the bulletin board.

Yes, you won't see criticism of any local Joppa businesses on JOL. Either because everyone is too scared or because it gets immediately excised by zealous mods!

A bit like wearing a Pepsi t-shirt on Coke day.

When JOL businesses get sold their stickers, they should also realise that the exemption from "The Treatment" only lasts for the duration of (insert sticker duration).

We're like the man from Del Monte with laptops and feta.

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 30 Jan 2006, 17:02

Porty wrote:That's a long way to walk, surely we could park in Bellfield Street.

What, and take away some of our parking places ?................No Way

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 17:03

We could demolish the church to create some additional spaces or what about the house that Sir Walter Scott visited? It seems a small price to pay.

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 30 Jan 2006, 17:07

True, they are of no historic importance at all, just some old bricks.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 30 Jan 2006, 17:08

Skeely wrote:
Porty wrote:Business directory is another bolt on
I think the BD is central to profits (sorry, development money). We can't really expect the citizens of Joppa to pay for their new website. We should offer all businesses in Joppa a brightly coloured (and expensive) sticker for their window, which would also guarantee 'protection' from a mauling on the bulletin board.

Skeely, you are missing the point somewhat. We are not interested in the residents of any of the communities to whom we sell franchises, we could not care less whether they are profitable or not, this is all about money for us.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Jan 2006, 17:15

We are not interested in the residents of any of the communities to whom we sell franchises, we could not care less whether they are profitable or not, this is all about money for us.

That's actually the verbatim text of our mission statement.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 31 Jan 2006, 11:04

Dadaist wrote:Porty, I don't see the Joppa wall saga as a problem -

I cant believe I missed this one yesterday

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 02 Feb 2006, 10:47

So, to clarify - our revenue streams for our first target are :

1. lease fees and rental of Joppa Online cd-rom
2. business directory %age once this is up & running

I propose that a "main" sponsor is then introduced - someone local but with a big pot of money. There will obviously be no conflict if we rubbish them on the website forum as that's just a bunch of gossip anyway.

I think someone heavyweight who already has their claws/roots in the local scene - Punch Taverns, maybe?

Talk Porty ~ Portobello

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