Paperback Book Review And Blurb Game

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 14 Jul 2006, 16:49

1. Provide 2 reviews of the previous post's turgid pulp book blurb

2. Write your own imaginary bad holiday bargain book blurb - to be "reviewed" by the next poster

I'll start off with a couple so you get the idea.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 14 Jul 2006, 16:55

"Lunar Love Farm" by Trinny Mandela

"Set amidst the rugged surface of Saturn's moon Janus, the protagonists battle both the elements and their own emotions as two warring settler camps of Neo-Afrikaaners and Neo-Israeli space explorers find that the arid landscape is thirsty not only for water ... but for love!"

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 14 Jul 2006, 16:55

Dadaist wrote:"Lunar Love Farm" by Trinny Mandela

"Set amidst the rugged surface of Saturn's moon Janus, the protagonists battle both the elements and their own emotions as two warring settler camps of Neo-Afrikaaners and Neo-Israeli space explorers find that the arid landscape is thirsty not only for water ... but for love!"

"Un-put-uppable" .... Daily Mail

"This book invites comparisons with other famous novelists. I sent my invitation back" ... Literary Review

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 14 Jul 2006, 16:59

"The Slug And Lettuce" by Jenny Envelope

"Set in the Dorset summer of 1943, evacuees and villagers find a common bond amongst the turnip fields - the bondage of love. And with a broken tractor and a village fete around the corner, there is more buzzing in the ficitonal village of Smackton than the V2 rockets overhead..."

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 14 Jul 2006, 19:08

Dadaist wrote:"The Slug And Lettuce" by Jenny Envelope

"Set in the Dorset summer of 1943, evacuees and villagers find a common bond amongst the turnip fields - the bondage of love. And with a broken tractor and a village fete around the corner, there is more buzzing in the ficitonal village of Smackton than the V2 rockets overhead..."

"Slow to develop but satisfyingly crunchy towards the heart of the narrative! Leaf through the pages with vigour." Book Review Monthly.

"This book is best used as a doorstop with its 973 pages!" The Sun

Our Book of the Month ...
"I Love Texas" - Ebenezer Bush

Rugged Granpa Bush takes his family on a journey into the New World to set down roots that will one day turn into a mighty family tree of Republican Politicians"

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 14 Jul 2006, 19:24

Cleopas wrote:
Our Book of the Month ...
"I Love Texas" - Ebenezer Bush

Rugged Granpa Bush takes his family on a journey into the New World to set down roots that will one day turn into a mighty family tree of Republican Politicians"

"I loved it" - Jeremy Clarkson

"Highly recommended - read whilst drinking a refreshing and vitalizing Nescafe" - Trinny and Susannah

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 14 Jul 2006, 19:29

"Scrofula Towers" by Veronica History

"Set amongst the putrid stench of bunions and gout, the servant quarters of Scrofula Towers are awash with vermin, intrigue, the lusty smell of an English summer and plenty of cider-soaked fun. Veronica's first novel in the Scrofula Towers series introduces us to the bodice-ripping (yet historically accurate and meticulously researched) genre that is sure to get the country gripped. Readers will swiftly become enamoured as Master Thomas Sheridan the shoeshine urchin works his way up the ranks of servitude - quickly becoming the envy of the Scrofula Towers cooks with his mastery of the spit roast."

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 15 Jul 2006, 13:14

Dadaist wrote:"Scrofula Towers" by Veronica History

"Set amongst the putrid stench of bunions and gout, the servant quarters of Scrofula Towers are awash with vermin, intrigue, the lusty smell of an English summer and plenty of cider-soaked fun. Veronica's first novel in the Scrofula Towers series introduces us to the bodice-ripping (yet historically accurate and meticulously researched) genre that is sure to get the country gripped. Readers will swiftly become enamoured as Master Thomas Sheridan the shoeshine urchin works his way up the ranks of servitude - quickly becoming the envy of the Scrofula Towers cooks with his mastery of the spit roast."

A truly aromatic and atmospheric romp. The initially convincing and somewhat scottishly endearing orange urchin turns out to be more spittle than spit roast. A must for stuffing in your trolley bag when you go to Benidorm for the Fair Fortnight. ..........Franz Punter

Unusually for me, the F Word came to mind fairly often.... Gordon Ramsay

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 15 Jul 2006, 19:13

foxy wrote:
Dadaist wrote:"Scrofula Towers" by Veronica History

"Set amongst the putrid stench of bunions and gout, the servant quarters of Scrofula Towers are awash with vermin, intrigue, the lusty smell of an English summer and plenty of cider-soaked fun. Veronica's first novel in the Scrofula Towers series introduces us to the bodice-ripping (yet historically accurate and meticulously researched) genre that is sure to get the country gripped. Readers will swiftly become enamoured as Master Thomas Sheridan the shoeshine urchin works his way up the ranks of servitude - quickly becoming the envy of the Scrofula Towers cooks with his mastery of the spit roast."
A truly aromatic and atmospheric romp. The initially convincing and somewhat scottishly endearing orange urchin turns out to be more spittle than spit roast. A must for stuffing in your trolley bag when you go to Benidorm for the Fair Fortnight. ..........Franz Punter

Unusually for me, the F Word came to mind fairly often.... Gordon Ramsay

"The Medical profession need to read this gripping book. Replete with more diseases than a team of anaerobic germs could carry in a handbag, it will infect you completely" The Lancet

"This book runs the gamut of emotions from A. to C.!" Judas Kafka

Recommended Reading;

"A Plague of Camels" by Ali Abbas al Mahmoun Rictus

"White slavery, treasure seekers, a knitting circle in Ecclefechan, Scotland and a pleasure boat called The Todger, based in The French Riviera. What brings Inspector Closely to investigate these what things have in common"

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 15 Jul 2006, 19:27

"A Plague of Camels" by Ali Abbas al Mahmoun Rictus

"White slavery, treasure seekers, a knitting circle in Ecclefechan, Scotland and a pleasure boat called The Todger, based in The French Riviera. What brings Inspector Closely to investigate these what things have in common"

"My hair grew back after the first page" Gail Porter

"I laughed so much I thought I was going to d" Syd Barrett

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 16 Jul 2006, 16:44

**HOT SUMMER SPECIAL**

"The Joy of Designing your NEW Bedroom with Colin and Justin" by Justin Ryan & Colin McAllister (TV Design Heart-throbs) and Alex Comfort (The Joy of Sex).

"A new 140 points approach to designing and maintaining your bedroom ... with a section on what you can do there, once all the hard work's done."

"You NEED this book" ... Heat Magazine

"Another instant classic" ... Bertie Keirkegaard

McGachieWillCatchYE · Post by **McGachieWillCatchYE** » 17 Jul 2006, 00:16

Another impotent arm flapping read from the 'boys'

Custin and Jolin romp their way through another saga of pink flocking and gorgeous chrome.

-"I just couldn't pick it up" Lawrence Llewelyn Spellin

"Advocat for the Devil"

A dark tale of cyber intrigue, misplaced loyalties, false accusations and messageboards.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 17 Jul 2006, 08:39

"The Troll In The Cave"

Dr George Brown is a Hearts fan from Joppa who works in kidney research at the Royal Wellington Hospital in New Zealand. Every lunchtime though, he finds a computer and trolls an internet forum back home!

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 17 Jul 2006, 09:35

Dadaist wrote:"The Troll In The Cave"

Dr George Brown is a Hearts fan from Joppa who works in kidney research at the Royal Wellington Hospital in New Zealand. Every lunchtime though, he finds a computer and trolls an internet forum back home!

"Not an LoTR clone despite the title. Everyone knows real Hearts fans are numpties, but this works in the book's favour since it allows a suspension of belief that there is an intelligence behind this novel. There isn't ... and this reviewer was disappointed. Ah well ... back to my 10th reread of LoTR" Michael McHumpty (Books Today)

"I was disappointed this was not a sword and sorcery epic. The title really misleads you into a boring monologue of an internet geek and his hunt for a forum he won't be banned from!" Jordan Eddings

Recommended Reading ...
"Petrushka's Darkness"
Cleverly, the author weaves a tale of intrigue at the heart of Cameron's New Tory party. Who is the real puppeteer with a raft of policies that looks sympathetic to the public, but hides dark revenge and enslavement of the British people. The answer will surprise you ..."