Week 1 of our show saw Philip Schofield's Insurgents team succesfully integrated into the urban setting. Patrick Kielty is embedded with the Occupiers. So far, both teams have killed an equal number of civilians, but with the surprise addition to the Insurgents of Kerry Katona and the death of Normski - will the balance shift?
Week 2, day 1 : Jon Tickle's improvised explosive device kills Ruby Wax outright, and burns most of Anthea Turner - earning his team a much-needed spa. Vote now for which celebrity you'd like to see in the Reprisal Zone being beaten with rubber hose :
dial 0898 441 33
add "1" to see Vanessa Feltz get flogged
add "2" for Eamon Holmes
add "3" for John Leslie
Make sure you tune in tomorrow for the "Late Night Death Squad", "Bubble Baathist", "Bomblet Or Breakfast" and "You Laugh, They Die" challenges!!!!
Celebrity Low Intensity Warfare
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Cleopas
I don't know what any of the above is all about ... but beating up 99.9% of these "celebrities" with a very heavy rubber hose has a great appeal for me ... mostly cos I normally abhor violence ... and also "celebrity-ness". Whoever's playing it ... please don't stop beating on them because of MY squeamishness. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low_intensity_warfareCleopas wrote:I don't know what any of the above is all about ... but beating up 99.9% of these "celebrities" with a very heavy rubber hose has a great appeal for me ... mostly cos I normally abhor violence ... and also "celebrity-ness". Whoever's playing it ... please don't stop beating on them because of MY squeamishness.
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Cleopas
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Cleopas
Inetersting that you should mention defoliants in the same breath as El Tel - Wogan was involved in a tax dodge in the 80s which involved investing in forestry and also in land which was earmarked for, but yet to be, developed on. Private Eye found out that the land he had invested in to dodge tax was in fact going to be an Inland Revenue office!Cleopas wrote:Cool.
And can you dump some Agent Orange on Wogan's head while you're at it. Thank you.
Now how do I join???
You can't join, but you can watch and vote for your favourite celebrities in this hit series. Terry Wogan impressed the judges in his screen test by water-boarding the position of an arms cache out of Keith Chegwin without killing him, but the ex-alcoholic kids' tv presenter and semi-celebrity naturist took his own life in his cage shortly after. It's yet to be decided if Wogan will be joining the show proper - he might just be too famous.
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Pal of Porty
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: 30 Sep 2004, 13:41
- Location: Old Folks Home
- Contact:
Internet rumours surround every show, and this runaway smash is also victim to intense media and public speculation as to whether the show is "real" and whether the celebrities involved are doing so under some form of duress. There have been unconfirmed sightings of one or more of the supposedly "dead" celebrities, stories of lookalikes being shot instead of the more expensive "real thing" - although this is laughable in the case of people like Johns Noakes and Craven.Pal of Porty wrote:Kieth Chegwin just managed to save himself by his appearance on 'Extras' the Ricky Gervais show.
Supposed "leaks" from inside the production team about future involvment of celebrities' families as human shields or hostages, and the revelation of double agents as a means to boost ratings should support for the celebrity war decline are confirmed as unconfirmed.
Digital viewers can now press the red button and see round the clock coverage of Bill Oddie's Neighbourhood Sniper's Nest, hidden inside the town clock in the market area of the Insurgent's suburb. Press red now.
Week 2, day 3 :
The food riots which erupted after Aled Jones' Jesus Challenge mean that today's "Bomblet Or Breakfast" segment will be delayed until tomorrow so that emergency services can reach survivors.
Aled's decision to only hand out Jesus-shaped bread to those children who could recite certain bible passages has prompted an angry response from his Occupier team-mate Sally Magnusson. "We gave them every opportunity to learn those tracts" she said, having shot her way to safety.
There will be no Reprisal zone phone vote today due to Aled's death - meaning the Insurgents team will enjoy a much needed pedicure session and some surprise messages from home. Tune in for skin and tears.
The food riots which erupted after Aled Jones' Jesus Challenge mean that today's "Bomblet Or Breakfast" segment will be delayed until tomorrow so that emergency services can reach survivors.
Aled's decision to only hand out Jesus-shaped bread to those children who could recite certain bible passages has prompted an angry response from his Occupier team-mate Sally Magnusson. "We gave them every opportunity to learn those tracts" she said, having shot her way to safety.
There will be no Reprisal zone phone vote today due to Aled's death - meaning the Insurgents team will enjoy a much needed pedicure session and some surprise messages from home. Tune in for skin and tears.
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Cleopas
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Cleopas
You don't have to be nearly hostile - this award-winning programme is all about what happens when hostility proper breaks out. That and career rejuvenation for those lesser celebrities that survive.Cleopas wrote:I see ... he said, eyes narrowing in deep suspicion and near-hostility.
And I take it that the red button you mentioned would be an existentialist button!!!
Can you tell me where this garden path you've got me on eventually leads to??
I'm sure the programme makers have an exit-strategy and wouldn't just lift the lid on this Pandora's box without a coherent plan. What you should worry about is if the producers/directors are fired with the show still running - then things could get really messy.
The red button is just a red button. When you press it, you get to watch round-the-clock coverage of Bill Oddie's Neighbourhood Sniper's Nest - he has recently displaced, maintaining concealment, to a rubbish tip near a gasoline cache. A must-see due to his love of birds, witty narrative and cold-hearted target selection.
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SoupDragon
- Posts: 2201
- Joined: 03 Oct 2006, 11:02
SoupDragon wrote:I've heard there's to be a spin off of "Bomblet or breakfast" in which the hungry celebrity survivors draw lots to see who's to be killed and eaten.
"Are YOU being served?"
Tasteful. I'm glad this is a PTV production and is free of sponsorship, placement and endorsment. If there's one thing that could turn this into a messy bucket of crassploitation it's grubby commercialism. ok maybe one cd. maybe some dolls too. no ringtones though
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Cleopas
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Cleopas
She followed through - and he would have died a longer death had a half-mad, recently flogged Eamonn Holmes not finished him off.gilo wrote:I've heard that Vanessa F attacks John Leslie with a pair of sissors shouting "I'm going to cut your ******* ***** off". Is this true?
Vanessa, something of a survivor on the Occupiers team, is currently on lookout duties with her treasured mounted machine gun in "Vanessa's Pillbox" - a concrete outpost which overlooks part of the complex. While not stripping and cleaning her parts, Vanessa has taken to tattooing inscrutable arabic words onto her forearms - the subject of much internet speculation.
)
Another "celebrity" has experienced a fatal drop in blood pressure and indeed blood volume.
Dressed as Santa and parachuting into the now-filming Xmas episode, Jeremy Beadle was shot out of the sky by a well-aimed burst of machine-gun fire from Vanessa Feltz's mounting.
In an ironic twist to this runaway leader of reality television, an operation *for* hearts and minds has turned into an operation "of" hearts and minds - the heart and mind in question belonging to Jeremy - the recipients the crowd waiting below, covered in a fine mist of droplets.
"There will need to be an enquiry into this friendly fire incident" said presenter Patrick Kielty, crouching under a burnt-out car and wearing his stencilled helmet and flak jacket.
Vanessa remained composed throughout the incident, pausing only to light a Sobranie from the red-hot muzzle of her gun.
Dressed as Santa and parachuting into the now-filming Xmas episode, Jeremy Beadle was shot out of the sky by a well-aimed burst of machine-gun fire from Vanessa Feltz's mounting.
In an ironic twist to this runaway leader of reality television, an operation *for* hearts and minds has turned into an operation "of" hearts and minds - the heart and mind in question belonging to Jeremy - the recipients the crowd waiting below, covered in a fine mist of droplets.
"There will need to be an enquiry into this friendly fire incident" said presenter Patrick Kielty, crouching under a burnt-out car and wearing his stencilled helmet and flak jacket.
Vanessa remained composed throughout the incident, pausing only to light a Sobranie from the red-hot muzzle of her gun.