Pimp my shed

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 09:55

I just got a shed - 8' by 6'.

After a lifetime of tenement living, and coming from solid working class stock, this arrival holds for me an almost religious joy.

It's my shed.

Next to the womb, this construction must surely be the ultimate destination of refuge for the male of the species.

As well as the detritus which will collect in here, unwritten laws passed down through folklore dictate that accoutrements of comfort - and, importantly, low or no cost, must also settle in this zone.

You are welcome to make suggestions, post links, relate old sheddisms which will help inform my choices.

From the haggard "curtains" over the "window" to "lighting" and "sound system", I want my shed customized.

Kitsch and naff are the right and proper modern homages to this man-temple. No posh underfloor heating or solar panels please.

Help me pimp my shed.

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:27

You could give it a name to start with, Dada. For years, my dad's shed has been and always will be to us "kids" ... Jabba the Hut.

May I respectfully suggest ... Fred the Shed??

Handy if you want to disappear when Mrs Dada is entertaining her freinds. You could escape them by saying "I'm just popping out to see Fred!" ... and it would be the truth.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:33

I think that flashing, gaudy and as-plastic-looking-as-poss Christmas deccies covering every square inch is desirable and a great way to celebrate this acquisition. This must include Santa on his sleigh on the roof ridge.

In the meantime give Oscar some net curtain to maul before you hang them in the window after the deccies come down (in March). Such a chic look!!

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:33

what is it with guys and sheds?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:35

Sandra wrote:what is it with guys and sheds?

Same as women and shoes.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:37

Poppy wrote:I think that flashing, gaudy and as-plastic-looking-as-poss Christmas deccies covering every square inch is desirable and a great way to celebrate this acquisition. This must include Santa on his sleigh on the roof ridge.

In the meantime give Oscar some net curtain to maul before you hang them in the window after the deccies come down (in March). Such a chic look!!

YES

This is aesthetic heaven. Thanks Poppy.

Santa on the roof. How cool is that.

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:46

Might I suggest that once you finished pimping your shed, Mrs Dadaist buys this book for Xmas.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 07 Dec 2006, 10:50

My dad had a shed along at his allotment in Leith with comfy chair, wee table, couple of books and a wee bottle in one of the flower pots. Sure this could be adapted for the modern age, run a few cables out from the house ( checking health and safety of course ) and have a fridge, tv computer, etc.

On the other hand my mum had a shed that was given over to the kids as a big "wendy " house. Wee bit carpet on the floor, toys stored there, plastic table and chairs, posters on the walls.
Kept all the mess oot the hoose!

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 07 Dec 2006, 11:20

Pal o Porty suggested the book "101 Things To Do In A Shed".

I bet I know some things you can do in a shed that's not mentioned in the book!!

PM for further information.

Are you planning to ban the females from this fearsome bastion of yours??

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 11:38

No. They'll have to know the secret password though.

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 07 Dec 2006, 11:52

A nice bit of Windolene on the windows is a must to prevent those prying eyes (i.e Poppy Smiley)

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:03

foxy wrote:A nice bit of Windolene on the windows is a must to prevent those prying eyes (i.e Poppy Smiley)

Ha Ha Ha.

But anyway, I'm sure one could find a loose knot of wood to prise out and peer through................!!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:06

solid working class stock

Of course, to live up to a cliche-d stereotype - you'll need to construct a pigeon loft on the roof too!!

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:18

I've got 37 Lee Sharpe height charts I got free from the Man Utd Megastore. Do you want one?

I can get you some snuff too.

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:29

I took delivery of my first ever shed a few weeks ago and it has been wonderful - a real life highlight. I had to get it specially made to fit in the available space I had - but now I do not have to carry all the bikes up the stairs any more.

P.S. I pimped mine by staining it black!

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:30

Dadaist wrote:
Sandra wrote:what is it with guys and sheds?
Same as women and shoes.

I don't have a thing with shoes

maybe beauty products though

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:34

Nelson Hatstand wrote:I've got 37 Lee Sharpe height charts I got free from the Man Utd Megastore. Do you want one?

I can get you some snuff too.

Depends if its VHS or dvd. My video player is broken right now.

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:38

Dadaist wrote:
Sandra wrote:what is it with guys and sheds?
Same as women and shoes.

I don't have a thing with shoes either. Maybe Johnny Depp and Kokeshi dolls, but not shoes!!!!!!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:39

Pal of Porty wrote:I took delivery of my first ever shed a few weeks ago and it has been wonderful - a real life highlight. I had to get it specially made to fit in the available space I had - but now I do not have to carry all the bikes up the stairs any more.

P.S. I pimped mine by staining it black!

Coolio. Didn't know you got yours so recently. Door open outwards? Shape of roof? Overall aesthetic of shed?

Mine was pre-treated, but obviously I've yet to see what the waterproofing is like both from underneath and from above.

It's real glass in the windows too. I thought it would be plastic.

I love every last hinge, nail, grain of wood and knot hole. Don't need owt for Chrimble now.

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 07 Dec 2006, 13:51

Dadaist wrote:
Depends if its VHS or dvd. My video player is broken right now.

Mini DV. It's something I knocked up myself.

I can get you some snuff too.

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 07 Dec 2006, 14:52

Oh, how I envy you your new shed, it's not just a man thing you know.
As a child I was very fortunate to grow up with a large garden and three sheds in it. The first one was the best and my Dads, with all his tools and bits and pieces in it. The second was my gang hut and lots of goings on went on in there

The third was a wee lean to that my dad built on to my hut to house all my guinea pigs(about 27 of them at one point !)
Oh, happy days.
Now, I just have a wee garden and no room for a proper shed. Mr TG built a hut which stores all the garden tools and some of my rubbish as he puts it but it's just not a shed

ali · Post by **ali** » 07 Dec 2006, 14:56

Nelson Hatstand wrote:I can get you some snuff too.

Nelson
can you get me some snuff, please??

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 14:59

I'm looking forward to seeing mine in daylight. Haven't yet and probably won't till Saturday!

I had to clear the ground for it on Monday as the delivery/fitting was at short notice.

The bit of ground it's on now had about 2 years' garden waste and hedge trimmings.

Fun, in that wind!

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:02

Shed manufacturers must have been delighted to get an order at this time of year.

I'm struggling to think of pimp stuff. Would you cosider smoking a pipe?

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:05

ali wrote:
Nelson Hatstand wrote:I can get you some snuff too.
Nelson
can you get me some snuff, please??

No problem, old chap.

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:09

You've made me feel guilty now. If only I'd known your passion for sheds I wouldn't have sold the downstairs neighbour the one which technically went with the flat in Marlborough Street. It was lovely too. Leaded windows no less

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:13

Couple more essentials:

Some jars where the lids are nailed into the shelf above them. For keeping nails, screws, dead insects, keys, tobacco, that kind of thing. Like on Deep Impact.

Separate postal address.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:18

Dont forget something to trip over after you have looked to make sure there is nothing to trip you up.

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:27

Nelson Hatstand wrote:Some jars where the lids are nailed into the shelf above them. For keeping nails, screws, dead insects, keys, tobacco, that kind of thing. Like on Deep Impact.

Great tip NH...might even try that in my new kitchen

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:31

Porty wrote:Would you cosider smoking a pipe?

Yes. I'm not so much interested in snuff as some nice rough shag.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:37

Nelson Hatstand wrote:Couple more essentials:

Some jars where the lids are nailed into the shelf above them. For keeping nails, screws, dead insects, keys, tobacco, that kind of thing.

Please note that screws/nails must be mixed sizes and type and even more importantly, they must be rusty, have bits of paint on them and the screws should be unscrewable!!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:45

I'm very lucky to have the old tools of someone who worked for the GPO. Some of the stuff is stamped as such so if her Maj ever wants to come and get them back then fine.

Not that Woodwares/Mica don't sell your quality product but you can't beat a well-worn tool.

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 07 Dec 2006, 15:48

Dadaist wrote:Not that Woodwares/Mica don't sell your quality product but you can't beat a well-worn tool.

That reminds me.

Razzle.

ali · Post by **ali** » 07 Dec 2006, 16:42

Nelson Hatstand wrote:
Dadaist wrote:Not that Woodwares/Mica don't sell your quality product but you can't beat a well-worn tool.
That reminds me.

Razzle.

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 07 Dec 2006, 17:31

Dada ... you could call your shed Jack the Shack? Our dad had tools and rusty olf tools and jars with stuff too ... till my sisters decided on a makeover. Even I never went into it again after that. Sheds are NOT for women, mate!

I thoroughly recommend soundproofing it too for your karaoke machine!

Question: Has anyone on the board ever had snuff and s hag at the same time?

Curried Haggis ... and they say New Yorkers'll eat anything!!!