Porty Poopers / Porty Poo Sticks

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 22 Apr 2007, 12:19

Porty Poo Sticks - A Proposal

At a predetermined time - let's say 8pm tomorrow evening, everyone can do a motion and flush it simultaneously.

Theres enough time between now and then to organize your guts so that your respective jobby is easily identifiable and unique to you.

We can then gather on the road or rail bridge and play the first ever game of Porty Poo Sticks as we watch the matter float past.

EDIT: Have split this topic out of the more serious stuff at http://forum.talkporty.org/viewtopic.php?t=3501 - wangi

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 22 Apr 2007, 12:25

Dadaist wrote:Porty Poo Sticks - A Proposal

At a predetermined time - let's say 8pm tomorrow evening, everyone can do a motion and flush it simultaneously.

Theres enough time between now and then to organize your guts so that your respective jobby is easily identifiable and unique to you.

We can then gather on the road or rail bridge and play the first ever game of Porty Poo Sticks as we watch the matter float past.

...what a crap idea

Hi Dada

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 22 Apr 2007, 13:48

Excellent idea Dadaist though we only have one toilet in this house

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 22 Apr 2007, 14:02

Sandra wrote:Excellent idea Dadaist though we only have one toilet in this house

I don't want to get too graphic, but if you and BC plan what you're going to eat then a single flush will launch both of your entries.

What we need now is a sponsor - you know, like Flora in the marathon.

And little badges with numbers on and the logo of the sponsor.

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 22 Apr 2007, 14:32

This could mean a weekend of carefully planned dietary content for maximum impact and manoeverability...

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 22 Apr 2007, 14:40

rapunzell wrote:This could mean a weekend of carefully planned dietary content for maximum impact and manoeverability...

Streamlining. I like it. Like a Formula 1 car or a jet fighter.

What are you going to eat - watermelon and pumpkin seeds?

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 22 Apr 2007, 14:45

I'm pondering. Sliced white bread and curry covers both ends of the spectrum, but sweetcorn aids identification.

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 22 Apr 2007, 16:05

Well. you've been missing for a while Dada, but you've certainly come back in style and kept the toilet humour alive on talkporty

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 22 Apr 2007, 16:18

Welcome back, Dada,
So WE weren't posting enough cr*p for you to comment on?

I got hold of some pea pods today so count me in.

I knew someone who worked at Seafield. He had my kids convinced that if he forgot his lunch that he got his wife to flush his sandwiches down the lavvy , with a ribbon tied round the packet so he'd recognise it!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 22 Apr 2007, 16:34

wangi wrote:Hate to be a "party pooper"... but the outfall is still being filtered at least, so there shouldn't be any floaters!

Everything you ever wanted to know about Seafield: http://www.lifesciences.napier.ac.uk/sm ... afield.htm

I've bunged someone down the plant to lift the lid at a certain time.

It's all systems go - no party pooping for the Porty poopers.

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines.

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 22 Apr 2007, 17:11

Where did you get the peapods SoupD. ? and are they nice ones ?
I simply adore fresh peas and could eat them 'til they're coming out of my ears. It's a bit early for them so haven't been looking.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 22 Apr 2007, 17:21

Morrisons.
Was dropping Clanger 2 off there to do a shift
I've had nicer but still munching away
My thumb is green.
These are from Morroco

Clanger 1 came home with some from Tesco the other week but I've not seen any there myself

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 22 Apr 2007, 20:09

rapunzell wrote:Sliced white bread and curry covers both ends of the spectrum, but sweetcorn aids identification.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 22 Apr 2007, 21:24

Provisional Rules For Porty Poopers (formerly known as Porty Poo Sticks)

1. Only one entry per person. Multiple entries per household are allowed but must all be entered into the race by a single flush.

2. In the event that the entry issued by a competitor is compartmentalized before or during flushing, the longest part shall be considered the racing poo.

3. In the event of a Tommy(**) repeat flushings are allowable, but there must be no manual assistance.

(**) "the two-flush tolie"

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 22 Apr 2007, 21:51

This could be like the duck race; an extra prize for whoever's racing turd reaches the most distant country.

Jamesie · Post by **Jamesie** » 22 Apr 2007, 21:54

Rumour going around that the council has been adding Immodium to our drinking water.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 22 Apr 2007, 23:59

Would it be cheating if we used the fancy loo on the prom as part of our entry?
Look 6 bottys; 1 lavvy here
( peace in the middle east would be easier than figuring out who gets in first in our house )

Though I've got a volenteer to catapult his entry straight into the Forth

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 07:04

rapunzell wrote:This could be like the duck race; an extra prize for whoever's racing turd reaches the most distant country.

I've been on a strict diet since this competition was announced. Whilst most of the ingredients are classified - some edible, some inedible, I can reveal that several pens' worth of gold glitter glue form the decorative part of my entry.

Using global tracking methods, I'm expecting GoldMinger II to go round the world once she has finished beating the pants off the rest of your pathetic entries.

before anyone asks, "GoldMinger I" never left the boatyard. I'm just back from the hospital the now. please check the side of the tin of any brightly coloured paint products you may try and eat.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 07:06

SoupDragon wrote:Would it be cheating if we used the fancy loo on the prom as part of our entry?
Look 6 bottys; 1 lavvy here
( peace in the middle east would be easier than figuring out who gets in first in our house )

Though I've got a volenteer to catapult his entry straight into the Forth

Catapulting is like when those people pushed someone in the Tour De France. That's why you can't even manually unblock a troublesome choad load and have it as a valid entry. Any assistance other than a good following wind is instant disqualification. Sorry Soupy.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 07:09

rapunzell wrote:This could be like the duck race; an extra prize for whoever's racing turd reaches the most distant country.

You're thinking on the right lines, R. This is a real seafaring challenge - it's not like swimming the channel where a bit of lard coating will do and any old doing can just float over and claim the prize.

Think indestructible.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 07:11

Jamesie wrote:Rumour going around that the council has been adding Immodium to our drinking water.

I am never, ever, taking that again. Mrs D & I were in Turkey when our whole hotel got the squits and I had a dose of both the pathogen and the medicine.

Immodium works fine - it completely shuts off the tap - but there is no warning about when it wears off. All of a sudden you're drenched in sweat, saying things like "Mary Mother Of God" and I'm not even Catholic.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 23 Apr 2007, 10:07

I'm going to visit my uncle at seafiled to get a head start. I'm alsi thinking of contactiong the music depatment at the high school to see if they can put together a sound track for the event, a sort of Top of the Plops. We could ask Gail Poorter to present it.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 10:22

who will be coming in at number 2?

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 23 Apr 2007, 17:14

Dadaist wrote: Immodium works fine - it completely shuts off the tap - but there is no warning about when it wears off. All of a sudden you're drenched in sweat, saying things like "Mary Mother Of God" and I'm not even Catholic.

good to see you back on fine form Dadaist.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 23 Apr 2007, 19:54

I have disqualified one of the Clanger from this.
They were thinking of cheating!
A catapult was mentioned

Got more pea pods today, Spanish from tesco.
a lot nicer, though nothing beats getting them straight from the plant

Should have titled this mind your peas and poos

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 20:52

Some people have complained that this competition has been a victim of systematic fraud and that the finalized shortlist has been decided before flushing.

There have also been stories of fake poo being entered.

OFFPOO have now launched a formal investigation into poo-rigging and dirty bungs being passed round.

As such, this competition has been suspended - advice to those about to play is to hold on to their entries until a later - yet to be determined - date.

We at Bulk Entertainment Ltd are very sorry for any irregularities or errors of judgement and would like to assure players of Slashathon and Snotgrab that these games are unaffected.

arachnid · Post by **arachnid** » 23 Apr 2007, 22:09

How about a competition for the best decorated " poo"!!!

With some sort of special prize!!!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 23 Apr 2007, 22:21

You can have a wee flag to stick in it - like the ones they have for the meatballs in Ikea.