cough TV

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 17 May 2007, 15:12

Welcome to day 1 of cough TV, the UK's first and only digital satellite channel devoted to the sound of other people's coughing.

6.00am The Dawn Chorus

Off to a great start with our resident smokers as they clear away the settled detritus of tar. Sponsored by Lambert & Butler.

8.00 am On The Couch

Daily magazine show with Mike Lung and Dawn Chest as they playfully hit off each other - mixing it up with their own brand of coughing, hacking and other such fun. Don't forget to phone in for Name That Celebrity Cough. Brought to you by CranBenylin - The Lifestyle Syrup.

11.00 am The Angry Gurgle

Dave Beetroot gets serious with a studio audience of bronchitis sufferers.

12.30 pm Pleurisy Ward

Double episode. Chantelle recognises a strange cough in the background of Billy's voicemail - has Morag been round to get more than a spoonful of Covonia? Sponsored by Covonia.

1.30 pm "Dial 'C' For Cough"

1983 TV movie starring Sharon Bile and her dog Snuffly

3.00 pm Carol Vorderman's Street Spittoon Challenge

This week from outside the Frog Inn in Preston.

3.30 pm Pulmonary Pratfalls

Clip show featuring coughing themed clips from all your favourite other clip shows.

4.00 pm Captain Phlegm And Friends

For younger coughers, and their grown-ups!

6.00 pm The Daily Cough

Headlines from around the afflicted world.

6.30 pm Local News

Coughing updates from where you are.

7.00 pm The Week Off

Take one desk, one funny chainsmoker, a house band and and 45 minutes and what do you have?

Today's guest is Funny Foghorn Frank.

7.45 pm Lord Of The Cough

Thematic dance programme.

8.00 pm A Question Of Spurt

Wisecracking cynical panel show featuring those people from all those panel shows, but the questions
are about coughing.

8.30 pm The ASBO Zone

Trevor McDonald attempts to interview Rosie Bitter, the 80-year old recipient of the UK's first
coughing ASBO.

9.00 pm Help My House

Handy Andy soundproofs another flat. Sponsored by Fisherman's Friends.

10.00 pm *THE NIGHT-NURSE MOVIE* "Jumping Through Whoops"

Tear-jerking triumph over adversity yarn about some guy who triumphs over his own inner demons, adversity, bigotry and an addiction to Navy Cut filter-less to finally become a racing commentator.

12.00 am - 6.00 am through the night with those sketches from "The Fast Show"

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 17 May 2007, 17:01

You are a wag Dada...I need a weekoff to recover

I love the coughing ASBO

Did you know that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick, as it causes a sudden, temporary rise in pressure in the chest and spinal canal, inhibiting the pain-conducting structures of the spinal cord....somebody please try it and let us know if it's true

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 17 May 2007, 19:51

Thanks Foxy. When I wrote this I started off quite productive but dried up halfway through - the last few jokes were a real strain, but I was itching to get it finished.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 17 May 2007, 19:58

foxy wrote:Did you know that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick,

Ya wimp.

Just relax and most routine ones don't hurt much at all: being tense makes it worse - and it depends on the nurse/doctor too.

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 17 May 2007, 20:14

Poppy wrote:
foxy wrote:Did you know that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick,
Ya wimp. Just relax and most routine ones don't hurt much at all: being tense makes it worse - and it depends on the nurse/doctor too.

...the tip was intended for those of us who are afraid of needles...no me...I'm a wumman wi 2 weans I'll have you know...feard ae nuhhin :naka:

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 17 May 2007, 20:18

foxy wrote:...the tip was intended for those of us who are afraid of needles...no me...I'm a wumman wi 2 weans I'll have you know...feard ae nuhhin

I don't mind them at all either. Just as well as I've had so many jabs: mostly samples being taken and I find watching the blood filling the syringe quite fascinating

arachnid · Post by **arachnid** » 17 May 2007, 20:24

Think it would be kinda' dangerous to cough while having an injection!!!

Needle goes in, one coughs, needle moves, ouch!!!

When having an injection, I really think it helps to watch it!!!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 17 May 2007, 21:04

arachnid wrote:Think it would be kinda' dangerous to cough while having an injection!!!
Needle goes in, one coughs, needle moves, ouch!!!
When having an injection, I really think it helps to watch it!!!

My thinking too, Spidey, on both points. But there's some jags they won't let you watch in case it sprays and gets in your eyes.....I recall the nurse putting me in headlock to stop me looking a the BCG or something! Spoilsport!!

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 20 May 2007, 22:09

Mr E once had his finger mashed by a very large mallet. When he got to hospital they decided to anaesthetise it by putting a needle down the middle of the mush

. Although he wasn't allowed to look, he knew it was bad by the colour of the Nurse's face

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 20 May 2007, 22:20

I don't mind needles. I heard there's a new acupuncture clinic in Porty - must try it!

Hope the nurse I last had injections from has found a new career; she had a bit of a hit and miss stabby approach with veins in the wrist and often scraped the needle on the bone by mistake...

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 20 May 2007, 22:21

What was this thread about..?

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 20 May 2007, 22:34

rapunzell wrote:What was this thread about..?

It's a medical thread - it's just moved from coughs to needles!!

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 21 May 2007, 01:10

ewww

Hic hic hic

while we're off topic anyone ever had a pain not in the place that hurts?

I can't be the only one, after a C section to be clutching their oxter going ow that hurts, (or next day the shoulder tip )
honestly it hurt worse than the actual wound at the time

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 21 May 2007, 01:20

The shoulder thing! I'd forgotten about that. It's a classic - handy for pointing the docs towards damaged innards (if they haven't already noticed them...) Hurts worse than a break and there's nothing wrong with the damned thing! Peculiar bodies...

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 21 May 2007, 01:23

I've got an itchy nose from eating raw onions all evening, if that counts

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 21 May 2007, 07:21

SoupDragon wrote:after a C section to be clutching their oxter going ow that hurts

never heard it called that before