(was) dogs and environmental wardens

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 24 May 2009, 06:07

admin: split from "dogs and environmental wardens" thread

Just another wee thought.
After the gatherings and behaviour round here the last few nights a ned DNA data base would be grand idea.
Though I think the 2 we saw being lifted by the police may be getting entered into one soon

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 24 May 2009, 08:44

Porty wrote:believe dogs should have the same unfettered beach defecation rights as, for example, seagulls, horses, cats and vultures??

We've had this discussion on here before too. We had real problems with the horses on the beach a few years ago. Not only did the riders not pick up HUGE amounts of dung but they genuinely did put lives at risk with the speed they were galloping along the sand. I've been pooed on more times by birds than I've stood in dog muck and don't get me started on pigeons. And what about the crow we sat and watched the other week who was systematically emptying a bucket of Greggs bags and leaving them lying all over the Prom? Oh, and foxes. We've had many a bin bag shredded by them.......

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 24 May 2009, 08:45

SoupDragon wrote:Just another wee thought.
After the gatherings and behaviour round here the last few nights a ned DNA data base would be grand idea.
Though I think the 2 we saw being lifted by the police may be getting entered into one soon

Yeah, what was going on? We saw a lot of Police activity on the beach last night but didn't see/hear what the problem was.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 24 May 2009, 13:48

There was a large group of teenagers drinking etc on Friday and a bit of trouble I think.
Saw 2 geting lifted by the police in the lane.
They were back last night shouting racial abuse, drinking etc. I think they want the police to chase them.

I didn't recognise any of them and going by the gang slogans shouted they weren't from Portobello.

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 24 May 2009, 14:54

SoupDragon wrote:I didn't recognise any of them and going by the gang slogans shouted they weren't from Portobello.

Well no, they wouldn't be! Porty's native children don't behave like that

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 May 2009, 20:33

Yeah but the point is these other creatures are allowed to shit on the beach and leave it there.

Rather than legislate or campaign against poo on the beach, maybe there's away we can make it work for us?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 24 May 2009, 20:51

Put nappies on seagulls, horses and neds?

The crows are something else to watch.
I've seen them sit on the Prom lamposts and drop shells to crack them open.
They also have a system for the open litter bins ( like in Straiton Pl park ) one will go into the bin and fling put the wrappers etc.
The other inpsects it and calls out if any juicy titbits are to be found
Makes the park abit messy

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 May 2009, 21:22

Instead of thinking up ways to restrict freedom we should be actively encouraging people to use the beach. Why no actively embrace dog defecators and become known as a destination where dogs can poo at will and the owners don't have to pick it up?

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 24 May 2009, 21:29

Porty wrote:Instead of thinking up ways to restrict freedom we should be actively encouraging people to use the beach. Why no actively embrace dog defecators and become known as a destination where dogs can poo at will and the owners don't have to pick it up?

You're talking merde again

Keep going and we'll get right back round to making them into Findlay's pies. If I could be bothered I'd look up the thread......but I can't.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 May 2009, 21:48

I'm serious. I'm thinking we actively encourage volumes of dog poo. It is collected on a daily basis as part of the councils routine and stored until June. Then we get BTOTB to make something out of it. People would flock to see a contemporary art piece - made entirely of dog shit.

The first year could be someting simple like statues of politicians or maybe well known locals. Dog owners could visit and proudly identify their dogs contributions. As years go by the reputation of the beach is bound to grow and we could end up with something like a scale model of lower Manhattan. Surely its worth a try?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 24 May 2009, 22:12

I can see it now Porty.

Of course the Tate will want it
To be fair we should include cats. I will start saving the contents of his box immediatley
Where will we store it until exhibit time?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 May 2009, 22:20

Soup d - you've inadvertently uncovered the piece de resistance. My idea was to let the years go by a before we got BTOTB to do a model of the Tate gallery then sell it to them!

Storage is a concern but I thought along at the joppa end in a pile would work. Do you think the residents would mind?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 24 May 2009, 22:29

Well I dont live at the Joppa end so I dont mind
Maybe the Seafield end?
Oh there's an idea
The dog and cat home could surely top up any time we wanted

But it might be mistaken for a sewage farm malfunction rather than the work of art that it is.

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 25 May 2009, 01:27

Inspired by the title of this thread, my artistic contribution will be a a dog merged with an environmental warden. Think Brundlefly. A rabid council worker that defecates all over the beach and jumps at small children, while meticulously collecting DNA samples of 'big things on the beach' to determine which are art and which are poo.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 25 May 2009, 03:22

Although its important the Art is a bit of a by product. What we are really offering these dogs and owners is nostalgia, which is big business. We invite them to take a trip back in time prior to the need for a poop scoop. They are free to do and go. I can easily envisage droves of dog walkers pitching up. Soon a small industry will develop- shops selling things like dog laxatives and nail varnish.

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 25 May 2009, 10:49

Sounds a great idea but not too keen on storage at the Joppa end. What about storage at that strip of land up by the golfie - Iv'e heard loads of people walk their dogs their too.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 25 May 2009, 20:14

I've had several pm's with some good suggestions for themes which I will share when I have more time.
Realistically the people of Porty are not going to put up with great piles of poo on the beach. And I also don't think its reasonable to expect artists to work with raw poo.

I suggest we park the poo at joppa and create a mini waste transfer station (by mini I mean one person with a domestic tractor) - from August to June we move and store on fisherow beach.

And for the second issue we go to woodwares and buy that special treatment stuff artists use when they are working with excrement. - simples

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 26 May 2009, 09:04

I've had several pm's with some good suggestions for themes which I will share when I have more time.
Realistically the people of Porty are not going to put up with great piles of poo on the beach. And I also don't think its reasonable to expect artists to work with raw poo.

I suggest we park the poo at joppa and create a mini waste transfer station (by mini I mean one person with a domestic tractor) - from August to June we move and store on fisherow beach.

And for the second issue we go to woodwares and buy that special treatment stuff artists use when they are working with excrement. - simples

Grunk · Post by **Grunk** » 26 May 2009, 09:29

<a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news ... power.html"> An Alternative Solution? </a>

I'm sure the freight liner terminal would make and ideal site for this waste transform station.

seashell · Post by **seashell** » 26 May 2009, 09:43

Porty wrote:I've had several pm's with some good suggestions for themes which I will share when I have more time.
Realistically the people of Porty are not going to put up with great piles of poo on the beach. And I also don't think its reasonable to expect artists to work with raw poo.

I suggest we park the poo at joppa and create a mini waste transfer station (by mini I mean one person with a domestic tractor) - from August to June we move and store on fisherow beach.

And for the second issue we go to woodwares and buy that special treatment stuff artists use when they are working with excrement. - simples

Leave Fisherrow Beach for the dogs of the Honest Toun to populate with poo!

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 26 May 2009, 14:58

Someone has suggested we do a model of the White House, a colour I had not considered -one doesn't see much white poo these days. If we are to tackle something white I think ought to restrict our ambitions to something like Casper the friendly ghost, the Milky Bar Kid or maybe even Snow White.

Grunk · Post by **Grunk** » 26 May 2009, 15:37

There is a reason...

<a href="http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/in ... 907AAT974X"> The internet delivers again </a>

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 26 May 2009, 16:06

Its amazing what one can discover!

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 26 May 2009, 16:23

Porty wrote:...maybe even Snow White.

Snow Shite?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 26 May 2009, 17:51

<snigger>

How about we get the kilns repaired and opened then we can bake and glaze the stuff.
Should get all sorts of colours then.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 26 May 2009, 22:36

Epykat wrote:
Porty wrote:...maybe even Snow White.
Snow Shite?

outstanding! And good work on the kilns idea. We could really link portobellos history through the prism of dog shit. Grunk has already provided hope of a power station return here in portobello.

I'm thinking we could open a feaces based theme park and fun fair in partnership with the EDCH.

Dodge em's would be a blindfolded challenge for bare footed fun lovers who have to make their way across terrain strewn with piles of real dog poo!

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 31 May 2009, 22:14

Apparently many years ago men were paid per bucket of dog crap they collected. It was taken to the tannery where the leather was 'cured' using the poo (minor detail - not sure HOW the process worked - did they rub it in, did they smoke it??). Anyway, I reckon we could reintroduce this ancient art and make unique items from authentic Porty Poo leather.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 01 Jun 2009, 00:27

Brilliant Epy
Now where to locate the tannery, might be a problem.
Maybe not in the High St, perhaps up the Portobello Road?

PS she's right about the poo. See
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanning

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 01 Jun 2009, 19:01

Well, I was thinking......is there not a site just up the Harry Lauder Road - near the old freigh t l i n..........?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 01 Jun 2009, 22:46

We could name the tannery Sean. Sean Tannery fron Edinburgh - sounds like a famous Scottish actor doesn't it?